It would be great to say that our children do not impact our marriage in a negative way, but that is simply not true. When our twins were born we had four kids under the age of five, the stress of raising four young people was very real in our lives.
Lets unpack the ways kids can impact a thriving marriage with In It Together. As always you can and should listen to the full podcast here.
Kids can become a replacement in your life from connect with your spouse.
Very early on, we set boundaries in this area. One of them was that our bed would not have little people sleeping in it. Our bedroom was the one place that we could go to have alone time with just the two of us.
One area that I struggled with a lot when our kids were young was feeling tapped out and having very little of myself left for my husband when he got home. I constantly felt all day long I gave and gave to my children and then Michael got the leftovers, which was really the scraps. I realized very quickly that things needed to change and that my husband didn’t deserve the scraps. A practical way I did this was to make my kids become more responsible. There was a time I was doing everything for them—-and then; I stopped. They are very capable of doing chores around the house, even if the chores do not get done they way I prefer.
Trying to please your kid.
Kids are needy. Yep, I said it. They are. They always want or need something. Trying to meet all their needs is a never ending job. I believe that instilling a giving heart in your children is a great way to teach them that life is not all about them.
Be a Father & A Mother
We hear it all the time “kids don’t need their parents to be their friend, they need them to be their parent.” So true. Kids need boundaries, rules, discipline, and a purpose. They need to know they are a contributing member of the family unit—not just a little person with demands and needs that always get met no matter what.
We love our children dearly. We have also never put our children before each other. One silly thing we do is at church when we sit down, Michael and I always sit by each other. We purposely move our children to the outside so that we can be together.
Check in with your spouse. How might your children be causing issues in your marriage? What boundaries do you need to reset? Do you need to have a family meeting to re-establish family rules? Lastly, if you were to ask your children about your marriage what would they say about it?